In January, I wrote about positivity and discussed if it is something that genuinely can help, or is it glorified wishful thinking? I shared personal stories about how negatively I once viewed the world. I spent much of my time in a default mode (when your brain is at rest and wanders) of negative thoughts because I sincerely thought that was what I was supposed to do. Do you know how that worked out? I was depressed, felt worthless, and I did not believe I deserved anything good in life. I felt so low that it interfered with any possible motivation to help myself by solving my issues. The problem was that I did not even think I could.
As I type this, I feel terrible for that young woman. What in the world did I do that was so bad to make me think I did not deserve happiness? These experiences are some of the reasons I became a life coach. I help others question and challenge the same types of false beliefs and patterns of thought. With the help of a great friend (there were not many life coaches around in the early 90s), I learned to change my perspective and see my value along with what I could offer to others.
Last month’s blog gave suggestions for increasing positive thinking. It seems like it should be easy, but why isn’t it? Science explains why. Glenn Geher, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the State University of New York at New Paltz, said that during prehistoric times, people naturally became anxious to survive. While living in the wild with hundreds of hungry animals, they had to defend themselves against the threats around them. Our brains evolved to think of one thing — survival. The early humans preferred anxiety and worry. If survival was the end goal, that was what was best. While we are no longer trying to survive in the same way, our brains continue to try to keep us safe. This leads to what experts refer to as Negativity bias. According to the research organization, Nielsen Norman Group: “The negativity bias is the tendency for humans to pay more attention or give more weight to negative experiences over neutral or positive experiences. Even when negative experiences are inconsequential, humans tend to focus on the negative.” Ah, ha! That is why we all think this way. Being negative is our biological default. Negativity bias explains why we all tend to remember insults before we remember being praised and recall our upsetting experiences better than the positive ones!
So, we want to think more positively, but how do we get over the hump of our biological default of thinking negatively? Here comes science again. It’s about the brain. Author Norman Doidge, M.D., teaches about a science called neuroplasticity. This term comes from the previous thought that the brain was “a fairly fixed and nonregenerative organ that, if injured or diseased, is subject to only very limited recovery. The brain is capable of much more significant self-repair and healing by stimulating conscious habits of thought and action by teaching the brain to “rewire itself.” The mind can actually change its structure and operate in response to mental experience!
When we function daily, much of how we work is through habit, and these actions come easy to us. Those pathways of our brains are well-formed. But creating a new habit/pathway takes more work. That’s where you come in. You actually have the power to change your brain to become more positive! According to the book written by Doidge, The Brain that Changes Itself, practicing a new habit under the right conditions, can change hundreds of millions and possibly billions of the connections between the nerve cells in our neural pathways. The human brain is made up of an estimated 100 billion neurons making a total of 100 trillion neural connections. That’s a lot of power!
In addition to the previous month’s blog, there are several ways to harness that power to create a new habit or thought pattern:
Observe your thoughts. Each time we do something, whether it is a thought or action, we are increasing the size of our neural pathways. Now imagine each time you have a negative thought, and what that is doing to your brain. You are actually building a habit to feel and become negative and increasing its strength each time you have that thought. Watch throughout your day and notice how many negative thoughts you have. It’s no wonder, so many of us are feeling depressed and angry!
Reframe. Take that negative thought and find a way to make it more positive. There is almost always some silver lining in a situation that you can find. We’re not going backward, just moving in a different direction.
Affirmations. Want to change your mind about something in your life that continually gets you down? Come up with an affirmation or a positive statement about yourself using the present tense. For example, if you are looking for love, you may be telling yourself that you are unlovable, that you don’t deserve it, or that there is something wrong with you. If you consistently put out that type of energy out there, it’s no wonder you are not attracting your desired mate! Develop a statement that says what you WANT to feel about yourself and say it and picture it as often as you can. (Maybe only say it out loud when you’re alone so that others won’t look at you funny…) If you don’t actually believe what you’re saying right now, that’s okay. Remember, it takes time to change a habit. Always speak this statement in the present tense, as if it is what you feel now. Most importantly, focus on the sensation of what that would feel like to be the person who you are affirming. The body doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what isn’t. What you are doing is creating a new neural pathway!
Visualization. Take that affirmation one step further and visualize how you want to feel. Get comfortable and close your eyes. Breathe deeply and relax. Let your mind take you to a place where you can feel what it is like to be who you affirm yourself you be. What does it look like around you? Who is there? Where are you? Be as specific as you can. This activity will give you more ideas about what your goals are and how you want them to look. Visualization also creates and reinforces that new pathway in your brain.
Learning how to think positively begins with understanding ourselves. The more awareness we develop of the way we think, the more empowered we become to be the person we wish to be. We are hard-wired to be negative, so this will take effort, but science shows us how and why it works, so what do you have to lose?? Take the time to believe in yourself. Practice being who you want. Even if you have to roll your eyes in the beginning because you are saying things that you don’t believe to be true, do it. It worked for me, and I wish the same for you.
With Warmth and Respect,
Eileen Der Aris, MS, Ed, CPC, ELI-MP
Rising Adults Coaching
Certified Life Coach for Young Adults
www.RisingAdultsCoaching.com
Eileen@Risingadultscoaching.com
516-650-2540