POSITIVITY: Does it Really Work or is it Just Rainbows and Unicorns?
By Eileen Der Aris, Certified Life Coach for Young Adults
People who know me know I am all about smiling and promoting positive energy. But I wasn’t always this way. Growing up, I lived in a self-imposed world of fear: monsters, fires, robbers, getting physically hurt, and just not being good enough. Even though I was constantly told by my parents that I was safe and nothing was going to happen to me, I still kept my prized possessions on my night table in case I needed to get out quickly if there was a fire. I always took disappointment to heart and so for protection, at age 10, I told myself that I would never look forward to anything again so I would never be disappointed. Finally, during my teenage years, I played a game with friends where we all took turns saying what we wished we could change about each other. One of my friends turned to me and said, “I wish you weren’t so negative.” You get the point.
When I was in my mid-twenties, I met a friend who introduced a new perspective of life to me. She suggested a world of positive thinking, which changed my entire mindset. I had always thought I was supposed to be negative for protection and that being hard on myself would keep me motivated, but that only had the opposite effect: lack of energy, procrastination, anxiety, and depression. Understanding and practicing positivity helped me change the way I saw the world and affected the choices I made, which brought me to where I am today.
So then, what does positive thinking do? Thinking positively is all about attitude. It’s about your perception of the world, of your life, and yourself. Many of us assume that what we see is perceived the same way as everyone else but that is often not the case. When 2 people stand next to one another and look at something, it’s possible they may each see something different.
This is due to several factors, one being the frame of mind you are in when you see this “picture.” Do you generally see your life full of opportunities or do you often feel a victim of your circumstances? How does one start to see the world with a more open mindset? Positivity is not all unicorns and rainbows, (unless you want it to be!) it’s merely changing HOW you look at things. If you are open to enjoying your life more than you have, then this can happen for you.
How can you think more positively? First, observe how your mind spends most of the day in a default mode of negative thoughts. We play messages in our heads over and over that create habits in our patterns of thinking about ourselves and our experiences. Notice your patterns, (as well as other people’s), and how they often revert to all that is wrong with the world, constantly expecting the worst.
Practice gratitude. Make a list of what you are grateful for. Think of those things that many of us take for granted: a job, a bed to sleep in, the sun rising every day, and the eyesight that allows you to see it, the people in your life who you love and appreciate, the food you have to eat, and even a person who smiles at you. There is no guilt involved here, just take pleasure making this list. Set reminders on your phone or use an app that can help you take this time to appreciate these little things each day. I dare you not to smile while you do it.
Speaking of smiling, try to do that more often! Science has shown that the mere act of smiling can lift your mood and lower stress. Dr. Isha Gupta, a neurologist from IGEA Brain and Spine, explains that a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones including dopamine and serotonin. Dr. Gupta says, “Dopamine increases our feelings of happiness. Serotonin release is associated with reduced stress.”
Look for more positive people to add to your life. You might have noticed that people often respond well to positivity. You may need to go to places that have more like-minded people in order to discover them. Learning about yourself and what you value can give you more direction in that area. Like attracts like, so be aware of what you say around others. How we act often shapes who we are. If we speak negatively, that is who we will attract. Does that sound like someone you would want to be around regularly? The more positive you are, the better you will feel, and will ultimately attract more of these people around you.
Be kind to someone. It doesn’t have to be about joining the peace corps (unless you want to!), just do something simple. Hold a door for someone, pick up something that someone drops, compliment someone’s shirt, or text someone that you care about just to let them know you are thinking of them. You’ve heard the stories about paying for the coffee for the person behind you on the Starbucks line. Don’t focus on how they respond or if they do it back. Maybe they’re not learning about positivity yet. It’s about you changing your attitude about life. Notice how it makes you feel.
Please remember that no one is happy all of the time. It is normal to feel sad, angry, and cautious. It’s when you find that you are like this most of the time, that it starts to impact your life negatively. Most people who are negative don’t even realize that they are like that or that there is another way. Somehow, even before I started living in my Life Coach world, I learned it. It doesn’t happen right away, but when your attitude does start to change, life just feels easier, lighter and enjoyable. It affects those around you as well. It makes their mood better and you start to attract others who are like that or want to be.
Try these 5 methods and let me know how it goes! Next month, I will share some of the science about how this stuff works. Scientists are discovering more and more all the time and it is quite fascinating!
For more ideas on how to improve your outlook, find like-minded friends or find a little more of “rainbows and unicorns” in your life, see a life coach or contact me.
Here’s to a more positive year ahead!
With Warmth and Respect,
Eileen Der Aris, MS, Ed, CPC, ELI-MP
Rising Adults Coaching
Certified Life Coach for Young Adults
www.RisingAdultsCoaching.com
Eileen@Risingadultscoaching.com
516-650-2540